1) I was coerced into buying shorts from J Crew, which I thought was a little ridiculous at the time, but OMG I love them so much. I may never take them off.

2) STAR TREK WAS SO GOOD.
A lot less gay then the original series, but still an awesome movie. Cris Pine looks really hot. There are explosions and cool gadgets. I'm also pretty excited for Transformers II, which I saw a preview for.

3)I cannot stop listening to CCR. It's a little embarrassing. But so good!

4)I am so fucking nervous for brainbusters on tuesday. I can't even let myself think about it I'm so nervous.

My mother bought me a camelbak. It makes me inappropriately happy. I fully plan drinking all future liquids out of it. It matches my snuggie. It is the only thing (except clothing) that I can carry while using my crutches. What a win!

 Today was my first full day back at school, and it was frusterating. I can't do anything that I want to, and it takes me FOREVER to get anywhere. I sat in the ceramics room during class entirely unable to do anything (once I'm out of the wheelchair and on crutches, I'll be able to at least handbuild) and I radiated discontent. And then I couldn't go to the game becuase of the rain-cast-wheelchair combination. So I was pretty grouchy.

But now I've napped and I'm sitting at my desk playing Peter Bjorn and John's "Young Folks," which I can't stop listening to, and I feel a bit better. Because this whole thing has some sembelence of normalcy. In this is the first time that doing something as simple as sitting at my desk has even been possible. 

I'm going to soccer tomorrow, or I may loose my mind. 

I was HORRIBLY NERVOUS for MUN today, but in reality it was just really fun and exciting. If you took away the pressure of the judging and all that, I would love it so much. I loved lobbing time when we weren't being evaluated and were just arguing with each other and enjoying ourselves.

It's weird how even though I only spent a tiny amount of time arguing for North Korea, by the end I was starting to fall into easily and immediately thinking in the way that they would.
Does that make sense? I can't imagine how much that would be true at the conference for a whole week.


DPRK ftw!

I just realized that I have eaten very little today and I am fing starving.

ALSO THERE IS A SNUGGIE BANNER AD ABOVE THIS OMG I WANT ONE SO BAD.
We seriously talk about them every day at soccer. It just makes my snuggie longing worse.


Seriously though, what could be better? It's a blanket with sleeves!

Today was a day of weird things.
There was some American Pie at meeting.
There was an fing terrible, acephalous, all over the place soccer game.
There was Descartes.

St. Johns is a really interesting school.

I want this paper back so badly that I can't concentrate on anything else. I neeed it. I neeeeed it. Everyone I know, (with one notable exception, because she is dying for it just as much as I am) is getting so sick of me talking about it, but I can't. stop.

hey- I haven't posted here in a long time. Things are good.

School, soccer, fash about S, etc.

I miss my Scarlet Letter paper. I won't lie, I really do. I'm only realizing now how much I learned by writing it. I'm kind of dying to get it back, and also kind of dreading it. It's been my baby since October, I can't imagine seeing the number that it's worth. But I'm so excited. Bahahahhahaaa.

I'm back. Ugh. I so wish I wasn't. I didn't realize how much I don't want to be here until I drove past my school with my sister, and I was just like ugh. It was such a good trip, in so many ways. But I'll blab more about that later. It's 2009. wow. I feel like the general consensus is that it was a shitty year, but I actually had a really good one.

I'm excited to go to the studio w/ S tomorrow:)

( Oops, I forgot I cut the first time )


I'm prolly going to post more about break later.

 I just met my adorable Dominican (I think) neighbors! They live in the apartment house directly across the field. Ususlly the poeple who live there work on the farm for just one season and then leave, but they've been staying there for longer then that now, I think working on the cow farm. I think they'll at lest stay for the winter, as there won't be much farming work anywhere else until spring. At first it was just one family, but now the cousins have moved into the other apartment. 
My mom walks past the three little girls with thier mother at the bus stop every morning, and she's become friends with them, mostly becuase they love my dog. The two little ones don't speak much English, and their mother doesn't at all. Mom brought me with her so I could translate for her.
Once the bus left, she started talking to the mother in true Lancaster County style, telling her who she was and where we lived and who all the other neighbors were, and what they did. The poor woman smiled and nodded untill I interjected with some "Como te llamas?" kind of things. I hope she got that it was just my moms way of being friendly. 
She wants to invite the girls to make Christmas cookies, which I told the mother. I think next time I see her, I'm going to have to add something like, "Mi madre solamente tiene dos hijas, y mi hermana esta en la universidad, y yo tambien en dos anos. A Ella, le encanta ninos, y extrana mucho." So that she doesn't think that we're crazy gingos who want to steal her children.\

Spanish speakers on the Grove Road. The times they are a-changing, and I like it. 

This article is absolutly infuriating. Go read it. Be infuriated. It's in Spanish, but it's easy and it's SO OBNOXIOUS.

Nothing can be too bad when there's snow on the ground before Thanksgiving.

MY MOM, in some sort of weird, feeling like she should be a concerned parent mood: Did that song you were listening to the other morning, that you said you liked, have lyrics about doing heroin in in?
ME, confused: Um, yes?
MOM, disapprovingly: It talked about heroin?
ME: Says the woman who bought me The Velvet Underground and Nico when I was in 5th grade?

Then she laughed.

I feel much better after telling Cedilla all of the stuff I was trying to keep myself from thinking about/saying. She is possibly the most helpful person in the world.

I feel like I am capable of finding a medium between giving myself entirely with no foresight and refusing to let myself think about anything that could be vaguely positive/cause me to be invested in something. I am just going to take things as they come, because right now, I'm happy.

Also, I've been listening to so much Lucinda Williams lately. It's very odd. I guess my mother played it so much in my infancy that I can't not like it now.

First indoor game was tonight. I loved it. So much. 
I loved being back playing soccer. 
New cleats, new shinguards. 
Simpson bitching at the ref.
driving the shoulder, knocking girls down.

It makes me so happy. I need a soccer icon.

I want a fucking trampoline.

 I am so strangley emotional. I was so miserable today and last night. 

This summer was perfect, every moment of it. I was looking through my notebook from princeton, trying to find stuff for an essay, and I found this (despite it's appalingly poor structure, I quote it verbatum) : 

"I am happy. When I am sad I will remember this and be happy, because this is good. School might not be as great, and I might get sad or discouraged or worry that I'll never find love, but I will remember this, and maybe it won't for everything, but it will have to give me some resolve, becuase it will remind me that I am so lucky and even if I am not lucky in that moment, or if everything has changed and these things don't comfort me any more, I should still be comforted, becuase right now I am happy. In this moment I am happy. And even if it changed, right now I have found something that I love, and in this moment I have found a place where I am happy, and loved, and accepted, and some people will never find that, not even for a second, and I've had it for three months."



Three months of CTY, all told. That was good. 

I AM FUCKING RAPING THESE SET CHANGES

I thinkthinkthink I FINALY have a way that will make the supafast one work. Down to the direction that everyone will be turning. I had to get up and go through the motions a lot of times, as it is sort of like a dance. Or a piece of machinary. A well oiled piece of machinery.

But now I am very pleased with myself.

What a dork :)

This morning, in the car:

SARA: God, it's so weird to be home, sleeping in my bed, going to LCDS, and everything. I just feel like I should be back in Bennington. Or like somehow the last month and a half was just a dream.
ME: I know EXACTLY how you feel. Getting home from CTY after six weeks was just like that. It was so awful.
SARA: Yeah, but I'm going back in five days....
ME: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

I was really unhappy today. I went for a run. I feel better. But I wish I was in Los Angles, California.

On the PSATs:
I know for most people, they aren't important. But in PA, we have this thing called Governors school (maybe other states have this too?), which is a FREE five week academic summer program at a Pennsylvania university. I'm applying to gov school of the sciences, and I really really wanna go. It requires me to submit PSAT scores. And my application doesn't look super awesome right now. My "science and mathematics extracurriculars" are somewhat, um, lacking. So I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed good scores. And that's why I was stressed out.